1. |
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“It’s time to grow up” means
Having a say over who I want inside my mind tripping the light fantastic.
Being a human means owing up to everything that I was firing at you,
I was moving fast
It’s my hypocrisy that hates our symmetry
You never thought of me as something more than just the ordinary
It’s just a summer thing gone with the winters bring
Not our embarrassing and crazy bad attempts to scream
So I will go to war, tattoo it across my chest
And let me fall in combat, disused and poorly spent
The only time I ever saw him take a second for himself
Anything, distract your shit
Such bad advice, "be proud to enter the room type-fucking-shit"
I’ll never forget the day he fucking legit asked me point blank if you had a fucking disability, and I didn’t know what the fuck to say, because in that moment I knew that he’d never see how he had fucking disabled me
And from that day I decided to live with this secret from him forever
And I was ok with that
And I was sick in the fucking head because of it
And none of that had any fucking thing to do with you
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2. |
oxygen mask
03:25
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I wish I sat him down and said “damn, I’m here for you my son”
but "Don’t pay it any mind, ignore the pain, it belongs to you"
Is what came out 🥴
I didn’t learn a thing about being alive
So fucking figure it out on your own
Stretch your legs across the floor
Wanna be alone with you
for just minimum wage
you can share the pain
Some oxygen distracts the truth
Why do they tell us our first move is to secure our own oxygen mask when we’re all going down together?
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3. |
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I never thought I’d be without you
Get time away from all the things you said you would
I know I’m coming up around you
Don’t take a moment for the hoping you will do
It’s bad enough to hear from group texts
Said “so and so” is going straight to “used to be”
It fucking hurts to lose a ghost man
When you take flight it's like you never even lived
They never wanted to be happy
Or give a shit about all your pain
They don’t get to live rent free inside of me
Remember every summer weekend?
Drink two or three and stumble back to my old man
Don’t hesitate to spend a morning trying hard to make amends for what we said the night before
They never sat you down
And gave a shit about all your pain
They don’t get to live rent free inside of me
They dug everything out of the earth
Piled it on top of itself
It takes some time to build a body meant for this
A struggle paramount to fighting off abyss
Our better selves will understand the truth in time
A life that's lost is both a failure and a crime
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4. |
kids, man
02:52
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Talk is cheap when you’re planning on being gone
Vulnerability’s hard to come by
Hours spent before the tidal wave
Took the closest thing to my baby away
My name is worthless
I spent the summer reckoning with all my needs
My part was birth less
I spent the winter without you
I never told you everything
Girls and boys throwing punches to stay afloat
Considerations are a foreign concept
Say yes as fast as fucking humanly possible
Wait not and see if someone makes a move
i never saw you fully
In that certain work of light, from the start to the finish
my soul was made to blight aside from one, and again to another
You cut away the best chance to heal: you took her from me
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5. |
salt on tomato
01:49
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It’s a pretty wild thought right now
Given what is happening
To the people in town
I’m feeling sad man
And the work is harder than it used to be
But that’s ok cause I got friends
I’m feeling overwhelmed
I keep wanting to say, “when this is over…”
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6. |
walnut street
03:14
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“You’re not alone,” he said
“But you’re trying too hard.
Don’t wait for me to say
What’s clear as day
That you still look scarred.”
“I’m not a criminal,” she said
But if feels like a run
In the middle of boardrooms and bedrooms
We both came undone
And there’s a peace to play
Crying foul when the other breaks the rules
Feeling harbors when the safety net is torn
There’s a sordid excellence clinging to the walls
The operation’s doomed, the march is on to crawls
I am a funeral inside of my brain
And you’re a visitor, peripheral, falling again
“You’re not a criminal!” she screamed
“But what’s happening to me?
If there’s a nothingness inside of us
Then let’s hasten to free.”
There’s a horrid excrement peeling from the walls
The operation’s doomed, the march is on to crawls
I’m feeling constricted and I’ve never known what’s free
Whats happening to me? What’s happier to me?
Punch drunk for a decade in review
Too ashamed too afraid to hear the truth
We deserve love even if we’re broke
It’s not our fault if our parents fucking choked
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mj smith Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
mj smith she/they emo rock pop jawn around west philly singer and guitarist
venue owner
all purchases go 50/50 to the eji
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